


Take Me Somewhere Bloody and Beautiful

by FollyOfWinchester



Series: Alternatives [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Behind the Scenes, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, Canon Compliant, Choking, Crying Dean, Dream Sex, Episode: s05e14 My Bloody Valentine, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Fluffy Ending, Impala Fic, Impala Sex, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Sleeping Together, Suicidal Thoughts, Top Dean, Topping from the Bottom, Watching Someone Sleep, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-22 21:59:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/918503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollyOfWinchester/pseuds/FollyOfWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is desperate to feel something, <i>anything</i>, other than pure, unadulterated nothingness. Set after s05e14 My Bloody Valentine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A High School Drop Out

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been replaced by [This Will Be Ours](http://archiveofourown.org/works/952755/chapters/1863685). If you would like to compare with that fic, please follow the link.

The aftermath of the confrontation with Famine is too much. Everything is too much. Dean stares wet eyed up into the night sky as a few rain drops start to fall. _God, just...erase me. I, I don’t want to exist. I can’t do this anymore. I just fucking can’t. I can’t take this. I don’t, I don’t even have what it takes to go through the motions anymore. I failed Jo. I failed Sam. I failed Dad. I failed Cas… There’s no hope. Sam’s going to say yes and...there’ll be nothing I can do to stop it. Any of it._ He hears a familiar gust of wind behind him. _What is he still doing here? I’ve got nothing to offer anyone. I’m empty, so fucking empty. I’m already dead._ “Cas, leave me alone. I said I needed some air and I fucking meant it.”

He hears Cas’s footsteps approaching despite his warning. _Goddamnit, Cas, you thick bastard! What do you want from me?!_ His guilt and frustration and self loathing rip through his mind and combine into a seething rage. _Why does everyone want something from me?! I’VE GOT NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE!!_ Cas is almost behind him. “I said leave me the FUCK alone!” He whirls around and catches Cas in the jaw with a frenzied punch.

Cas flinches from the impact and then impassively grabs a hold of Dean’s wrist as it passes his face. _Rargh! Fuck him and his super angel strength!_ Dean throws another wild fist in the direction of Cas’s face, but this time Cas is ready for him and easily grabs the other wrist before he can land the punch. Dean howls in frustration and sinks to his knees, hanging his head in momentary defeat. Rainwater drips down his face and off the end of his nose. He can still feel Cas’s iron tight grip holding his arms uncomfortably above his head. His eyes sting as his directionless anger continues to build. “Why are you still here?!”

He gets no answer other than the white noise of rainfall. He grits his teeth and springs into action again, this time sweeping Cas’s legs out from under him and pouncing on his now prone companion. His palms slam down onto Cas’s shoulders and he looks directly into Cas’s slightly startled eyes. “Answer me! What in the FUCK do you want from me?!” 

Cas squints up at Dean and visibly hesitates before almost whispering, “...Everything.”

Dean chokes out a sob and replies under his breath, “Well, too damn bad, because all of nothing is still nothing.”

Cas maneuvers a foot between them and kicks Dean backward into the sitting position on the ground. Dean tries to shake off the impact, but Cas is already on top of him, tossing him like a rag doll against the side of the Impala. As he regains his bearings, Cas leans in close, “Let me rephrase then. Anything.”

Dean hears the heat in Cas’s voice and his rage quickly transforms into wanton need. 

_God, I just want to feel something._

He fists his hands in Cas’s trench coat and crushes their lips together. _Anything but nothingness._ He rolls Cas over against the hood and starts to grind into him. _Anything but emptiness._ Cas moans out his name. _This is all I have left. I need to feel alive._ He bites into Cas’s neck. _I want this. I need to feel this._ Cas runs his warm hands up under the soaked layers of Dean’s shirts and pulls him closer. _I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve any of this. I don’t deserve him. He deserves someone good. Someone who can make him feel good._ Dean cups Cas’s erection with his hand. _He would do anything for me. I can at least do this for him._ He’d done it a few times in dreams, but this was reality. In reality, he had never sucked a cock before, but he wanted to do it right the first time, for Cas and because who knows when or if he’d ever get the chance again. Every day could be their last. _Every day could be the day I fail you for the last time._ “Cas, can you look into my memories of dreams about you?” Cas nods. “Look for the ones where I go down on you and tell me,” his voice grows gruffer, “tell me which you want.”

Cas groans out his name before leaning up to give him a feverish kiss. He keeps his eyes fixed on Cas and a particular scene from one of his dreams flashs through his mind. Cas breaks the kiss long enough to rumble, “That one.”

Dean furrows his brow in concentration and nods. Suddenly Cas is naked from the waist up, just like he was in the dream. Rain starts to coat his exposed chest. Dean rakes his eyes over the wet skin and begins kissing a trail down Cas’s body. Starting below his ear, he kisses down until he feels Cas’s nipple against his lip, hardened by the chill of the rain. He drags his teeth across it before sucking and swirling his tongue around it. Cas shudders in anticipation. _So far, so good._ Dean continues licking and occasionally biting Cas’s nipples as he writhes under the contact. He works at Cas’s belt and fly until he can finally push the fabric down past his hips. He watches as rainwater begins to drip down Cas’s cock and licks a trail along the base to catch some of it on his tongue. Cas’s hands fly into Dean’s water matted hair and he sighs, “This is not what I was expecting.” Dean looks up nervously. _Shit, I’m already fucking this up! I can’t even do-_ “It is better." _Oh._ "The addition of the rain is...stimulating.” He smirks and slides his tongue deftly up along Cas’s length again before swirling around the ridge of the head. Cas involuntarily thrusts up into the sensation, momentarily choking Dean. Dean huffs in a breath around Cas’s cock, undeterred by the abrupt choking spell, and continues through his memory. He bobs up before sliding down again as far as he can without suffocating himself. 

Cas squirms and pulls at his hair, “Dean, stop!” His tone changes from pleading to demanding, “I want you to finish the dream.” Dean looks up and Cas’s glare catches him like a physical force, reminding him of another scene from the same dream. The blood drains away from his face and straight into his cock. Dean coughs and sputters and freezes as Cas grabs one of his wrists. Cas looks directly into his eyes with a heat that he can almost feel against his cheeks even with the rain. _This is not the old Cas rubbing his neck at the mere mention of women. This is a sex starved angel of the lord with his sights set directly on me._ He basks in the thought and let's it wash over him with the rain. Without breaking his gaze, Cas sucks three of Dean’s fingers into his mouth and thoroughly coats them with spit. He makes a show of sliding them slowly back out of his mouth before sucking them in again and then releasing Dean’s wrist. Dean groans and pushes Cas backward onto the hood, which pulls his own hand back out of Cas's mouth with a wet pop. _Am I really ready for this?_ He looks over at Cas, with soaked hair clinging to his face and hooded eyes following Dean’s every move. _God, he's so fucking gorgeous._

Cas’s patience for his decision making process runs out, “Dean, please. Hurry. We are both too aroused to draw this out.”

His mind snaps back to the present and he decides. _Ready as I’ll ever be._ Dean slides Cas’s pants the rest of the way down his legs into a pool at the ground. Contrasted with the mild chill of the rain, Cas's newly exposed skin feels like it's burning up under Dean's touch. Leaning one hand against Cas’s hip, he presses up against his entrance with his slick fingers and starts to massage and slowly push in, opening Cas up little by little and adding fingers until all three are inside. Cas lets out a deep moan and growls out his name. Dean looks down at his fingers disappearing into Cas. _I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I can't believe he WANTS me to do this._ He undoes his own fly before starting to touch himself with his free hand. The sharp sensation of the rain and his cold hand on the bare skin is almost painful for a moment before he adjusts to it. He continues moving his fingers and stroking his cock to a steady rhythm until Cas grabs him around the neck with one hand and barks, “Now, Dean!” 

Still caught in Cas’s grip and struggling to breath, he removes his fingers before guiding the head of his cock to take their place. Rain is pelting his face and his eyes are watering and he’s gasping for breath, but the discomfort only enhances the sensation of sinking gradually into Cas. _This is it. This is everything I have to give, fucking all of it. All for Cas. Please, let it be enough._ The rainwater running down along the base of his cock makes Cas's warmth around it feel almost overwhelmingly intense. He tries to stay focused and starts to thrust, bracing himself against Cas’s hip again. He wraps his other hand around Cas's cock and tries to stroke in time with his thrusts. It takes a bit of work to coordinate, but soon Cas has his head thrown back in ecstasy and his eyes closed and he’s crying out incoherently for Dean not to stop. _Like I could even if I WANTED to._ He starts to feel faint as the oxygen in his system dwindles, but then Cas is spilling all over his own stomach and he can feel it in his hand and from the inside against his cock. His vision is getting blurry, but he can make out Cas’s wing shadows in the flickering of the headlights. Just as he’s about to black out, Cas releases his grip and as the air surges back into his lungs he finally lets go. His thrusts grow erratic and he collapses on top of Cas, panting and gasping for breath. And he can tick anal sex with another dude off his list of things he thought he would never ever possibly do.

Cas nuzzles his wet hair, “Your dream did not adequately prepare me for how that felt, but I endeavored not to destroy the lights of this vehicle.”

Dean smiles, “Thanks, Cas.” How could Cas take him from feeling completely lost one second to feeling almost like the world might not end the next? He feels alive. No matter what, he still has Cas. And if he has Cas, he has everything he needs. He smiles wider. “Thanks for everything.” He eases himself up and as soon as he’s pulled out completely he finds them both cleaned up and fully dressed in dry clothing in the front seat of the Impala. _Man, that is freaking handy!_ The abrupt disappearance of the cold wetness against his skin makes him feel like he's just gotten out of a hot shower and into some clothes fresh out of the dryer. He hums in satisfaction. Cas gazes at him with a slight smirk hovering on his face. He raises an eyebrow as he sits up. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Your dreams are...very interesting. Some of them seemed physically impossible, but-”

Dean blushes, “Yeah, okay, let’s just, uh, maybe we shouldn’t consult my dreams for pointers anymore.”

“But the ones where I’m-”

Dean covers Cas’s mouth with his hand. He is gonna need some processing time over sticking his dick into an angel in a dude suit as it was. “How about less talk and more sleep.” The gentle patter of rain on the Impala's roof combined with the recent physical exertion and alcohol in his system make sleeping sound like an amazing idea. He slides across the seat and reclines it slightly before getting comfortable against Cas.

“I don’t sleep.”

Dean rolls his eyes, “Look, I know, but...it’s been a really long time since I actually...slept next to someone who would still be there the day after.”

Cas tilts his head slightly and squints at him. Dean huffs out a sigh and rolls away from him, “Yeah, you’re right. It’s fucking stupid. Forget I said anything. Go do whatever it is you do at night.”

“No, this is fine. Recently, I have been spending at least part of my evenings watching you sleep. I think it will be more satisfying this way.”

Dean rolls back over and slings his arm lazily over Cas’s chest. “That is the creepiest and nicest thing someone has ever said to me all rolled into one.” He chuckles through a yawn.

Cas wraps an arm around his back, “What is funny?”

“I can’t believe this is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, and it’s not even with a human. What the hell does that say about me?” He yawns again.

Cas runs his fingers through Deans hair. “Perhaps you are more than human yourself.”

Dean quietly doses off.

~*~


	2. Mr. Comatose

Castiel stood beside Bobby’s panic room listening to Sam’s screams. Why had Sam been gifted with the chance to spend his life fighting beside Dean? Sam caused Dean nothing but pain. Each time Dean had given him another chance, he had done something so unforgivable that it seemed to destroy any possibility of ever trusting him again. And yet Dean had always given another chance, even in the face of all rational thought, even though he received almost nothing in return, and then blamed himself for his brother’s failings. Castiel’s indignation rose at the situation. So Dean wanted some air. There would still be plenty of air outside if he followed.

He appeared a few feet away from Dean and let his wings flap hard to be sure that Dean had heard him in the rain. His thoughts continued down a selfish path. He should be the one with Dean always, not Sam. What right did Sam have? Castiel had taken Dean back in time to save his parents knowing that he might not be able to return. He had saved Dean from Zachariah. He had rebelled against Heaven for Dean. He should be the one who was afforded seemingly infinite chances. It was his right be the one by Dean’s side. 

Dean’s voice rang out over the rainfall, “Cas, leave me alone. I said I needed some air and I fucking meant it.”

No, he would not leave. He wanted to be with Dean and he would not take no for an answer. Castiel found his irritation growing. They had not been intimate again since the first time and he found himself consumed more and more by the thought of it. The sensations, the tastes, the smells, he wanted to experience it again. He began walking toward Dean. He could see Dean’s shoulders tense and square as he got close. Was he going to run? Another step closer and Dean shouted, "I said leave me the FUCK alone!" before whirling around and landing a blow across his jaw that left him surprised, but only for a moment. He grabbed Dean’s passing wrist and then watched as he threw another before catching that wrist as well. Dean howled in frustration. The punches were not directed at him truly. He was a replacement for his father, for God. Castiel momentarily contemplated punching God himself to pass on Dean’s message. They both needed him. Where was he?

He watched as Dean lowered his knees to the ground and hung his head before shouting, “Why are you still here?!”

Why was he still here? He supposed he should be searching for God. There was really no reason for him to be here except that he wanted to be. He wanted to be here with Dean, close to him. Before he could say anything, Dean kicked into his legs and he lost his balance. He fell hard against the ground and Dean was almost instantly straddling him. The gravel dug into his back as Dean pushed him down.

“Answer me! What in the FUCK do you want from me?!”

Castiel thought for a moment more. He wanted Dean. Dean was everything he had. He wanted...

“...Everything.”

Dean’s face contorted and he let out a deep, heaving sob before nearly inaudibly saying, “Well, too damn bad, because all of nothing is still nothing.”

No. That was untrue. Dean was everything. How could he not see it? It was infuriating. Dean was his charge and his duty was to raise him out of whatever hell he had created for himself, this time in his own mind. Castiel knocked Dean backward with a kick and then quickly stood up. He purposefully grabbed Dean’s shoulder where his hand print was scarred into the flesh and picked him up from where he sat stunned from the blow. He would take anything Dean was willing to give him. His proximity to Dean was making his desire that much more demanding. He hurled Dean against the side of the Impala and strode over so that their lips were almost touching. He wanted anything that meant he could touch and taste and smell Dean all around him again. Absolutely anything. “Let me rephrase then. Anything.”

Apparently his message had been received because Dean pulled him by the collar into a scorching kiss. The chill of the rain on Castiel’s lips made it feel like Dean was made of fire. Dean flipped their positions with a quick movement and began grinding into him. Yes, this was what he wanted. He wanted this Dean, the one that found him sexually arousing and irresistible. The mere thought was intoxicating in a way he had never considered before. Dean’s name escaped his lips in a moan and at the sound Dean bit into his neck. The pain was exquisite. How could he have lived his entire existence without this? He slid his hands underneath Dean’s shirts and up along his back to pull him in closer. Dean’s hand snaked between them and rubbed against his erection, “Cas, can you look into my memories of dreams about you?”

Castiel nodded immediately. He had wanted to know if there had been others besides the ones he had witnessed.

“Look for the ones where I go down on you and tell me,” he lowered his voice, “tell me which you want.”

Castiel groaned out Dean’s name in pure sexually charged elation. Dean was giving him permission to experience all the dreams he had ever had about the two of them and he would be able to remember and savor each one for the rest of his existence, however short it may prove to be. He pulled Dean into another lip scorching kiss while gazing into his eyes. The dreams seemed numberless and as he watched them unfold he wanted them all. He wanted everything. His mind raced as he tried to choose just a single scenario. He finally settled on one and played it back in Dean’s mind before breaking away from the kiss, “That one.”

The dream had started with his entire torso exposed, so he mimicked the situation in reality. As Dean’s eyes scanned his chest for a moment, he wondered if he was attractive physically. He was not sure exactly how the human mind decided on what was and was not attractive, but he was suddenly curious. He should ask Dean. The words to the question died on his tongue as Dean began kissing his neck and moving down toward his nipple. As Dean took it in his mouth and began licking, Castiel could not help but shudder. Anticipation for what was to come did not take any of the enjoyment away. On the contrary, it seemed to heighten the experience. Dean bit down on one of his nipples and he started to writhe under the contact. He could feel Dean unbuckling his belt and unzipping his fly, but was unprepared for the feeling of the cool rain against his erection followed quickly with the warmth of Dean’s tongue against it. His hands flew involuntarily into Dean’s completely drenched hair and he sighed, “This is not what I was expecting.” Dean looked up at him and he could see the anxiety in his expression. He attempted to reassure him, “It is better. The addition of the rain is...stimulating.” Dean smirked and returned to licking his erection, but a sudden jolt of pleasure made him unintentionally thrust into Dean’s mouth. In response, Dean sucked in a breath around his head before taking this entire length into his mouth.

The sensation was too much. Castiel pulled Dean’s hair in earnst, “Dean, stop!” He did not want this sexual encounter to be over so quickly. He wanted more. “I want you to finish the dream.” He waited to catch Dean’s eyes and flashed the rest of the dream through his mind. Dean seemed uncertain and reeled from the memory, coughing and sputtering. The thought that he was more prepared than Dean for what he had requested emboldened him. He gripped Dean’s wrist and felt him stiffen at the touch. Dean’s nervousness intensified Castiel’s excitement. He would be in control and he would have Dean however he wanted. His desire and anticipation grew until he could think of nothing else. Without breaking his gaze, Castiel sucked three of Dean’s fingers into his mouth and thoroughly coated them with his saliva. To show Dean that he was serious about finishing the dream, he slowly drew his fingers back out of his mouth before sucking them in again and then releasing Dean’s wrist. Dean groaned and pushed him backward so that his palms landed on the hood of the car and he lost suction Dean’s fingers. Castiel could barely handle the anticipation and followed Dean’s movements, waiting for him to act.

Dean hesitated for too long and Castiel’s patience wore thin, “Dean, please. Hurry. We are both too aroused to draw this out.”

As if coming out of a trance, Dean leapt into action and slid Castiel’s remaining clothing onto the ground. The rain hitting his skin felt like snow compared to Dean’s embrace against his hip. Dean’s fingers entering him sent a searing white shock of pleasure through his system. He could feel Dean carefully preparing him as he had in the dream. He wanted to shout that it was not necessary and that he would simply heal afterward, but as Dean slid the third finger inside he decided against it. The anticipation for what was coming next swept over him and he moaned and growled out Dean’s name in the hopes that he would quicken the pace. Dean worked to free his own erection from its bindings and began stroking it in time with his fingers inside Castiel. Finally, he could wait no longer and grabbed Dean around the neck before barking out an order, “Now, Dean!”

Castiel watched Dean’s face briefly as he gasped for breath in the pouring rain. The chill of the rainwater on his erection should have made it difficult to maintain, but having Dean’s consent to nearly suffocate him as per his dream and knowing that Dean trusted him with his safety, his very life, was extremely exhilarating, beyond anything he had known up to this point. The pressure of Dean’s fingers was replaced by his erection and Dean started to thrust into him. He could not imagine anything more pleasurable, but when Dean wrapped a hand around his erection and started stroking him he could contain himself no longer. He threw his head back, closed his eyes and let everything he was thinking in his head explode from his mouth.

“Dean, don’t stop this! I want to feel this! Never stop! I want everything you’ve ever imagined! I never want you to stop!”

As he was getting close he tried to partition off a part of his mind to concentrate on not destroying any light bulbs or electrical circuits with his orgasm. All too soon he was ejaculating all over his own torso. He felt the heat of each drop as it touched his skin in contrast to the rain. It felt glorious. It felt like a triumph. He could tell that Dean was about to lose consciousness, so he loosed his grip on Dean’s neck and watched as he greedily sucked in breath. Just after he started breathing again, Castiel felt the throbbing of his release inside. Dean's thrusts grew erratic and he collapsed, still gasping for air.

He rested his face against Dean’s drenched scalp, “Your dream did not adequately prepare me for how that felt, but I endeavored not to destroy the lights of this vehicle.”

Dean smiled against his chest, “Thanks, Cas. Thanks for everything.” Dean started to ease backward and as soon as his waning erection had passed the threshold of Castiel's entrance he teleported them clean, dry, and fully clothed out of the rain to the front seat of the Impala. Dean hummed softly on top of him. He hoped that Dean had found their first penetrative sexual encounter as enjoyable as he had. He thought back on the various dreams he had watched in Dean’s memory and could not hold back a smirk. Dean sat up and made a quizzical face, “What’s gotten into you?”

“Your dreams are...very interesting. Some of them seemed physically impossible, but-”

Dean’s face became tinged with red, “Yeah, okay, let’s just, uh, maybe we shouldn’t consult my dreams for pointers anymore.”

Castiel thought on a particularly arousing scenario where their positions had been reserved, “But the ones where I’m-”

Dean covered his mouth before he could finish his sentence, “How about less talk and more sleep.” Dean reclined the front seat and then pressed himself against Castiel’s side. Unfortunately, he could not comply with Dean’s request.

“I don’t sleep.”

“Look, I know, but...it’s been a really long time since I actually...slept next to someone who would still be there the day after.”

Castiel thought about the comment. Did Dean mean that other humans were disappearing while he slept? It seemed like a strange phenomenon to be attached in particular to Dean, but perhaps it was a witch’s spell that he had never heard of. Dean sighed and rolled away from him, “Yeah, you’re right. It’s fucking stupid. Forget I said anything. Go do whatever it is you do at night.”

He dismissed his confusion about Dean’s statement. It was probably another of his frequent misunderstandings of sarcasm or metaphors, “No, this is fine. Recently, I have been spending at least part of my evenings watching you sleep. I think it will be more satisfying this way.”

Dean returned to his side and rested an arm across his chest. “That is the creepiest and nicest thing someone has ever said to me all rolled into one.” Dean chuckled through a yawn.

Why was he laughing? He wrapped and arm around Dean’s back, “What is funny?”

“I can’t believe this is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, and it’s not even with a human. What the hell does that say about me?” Dean yawned again.

Castiel felt a great fondness for Dean, outside of his recently discovered sexual urges. He carded his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Perhaps you are more than human yourself.” He paused. The longest relationship? Dean had certainly known his brother and Bobby longer than Castiel. Perhaps he meant a romantic relationship or a sexual relationship. They were certainly in a sexual relationship, but if they were also in a romantic relationship weren’t more things involved? He should ask Dean. “What sort of relationship?”

Dean was already asleep.

~*~


End file.
